Confliction

I'm very conflicted about my blogging sites.  I thought I like blogspot, but then my cousin was on tumlr and I thought I liked that one more because the picture posting options were nicer, but then my friend sent me to a crafty website and it seems like all of the contributors that I like are on blogspot.  What is a girl to do?  Manage both for now?  I mean I'm just posting the same stuff on each site...aaaaahhhh the decisions!

Way to go mom

So this morning my day started out horrifying. I was awoken by the sudden thud of my 6 month old baby hitting the hardwood floor in my bedroom followed by his shrill scream and cry. Talk about having the shit scared out of you!! Even though I knew he was on the floor, I still checked my bed to make sure. Sure enough, there he was on his back screaming his lungs out. My oldest dog right there next to him. Why was he sleeping in my bed you wonder? Because I have severe separation anxiety when it comes to him. I’m deathly afraid that if he is not with me, something will happen and I won’t know it. Yeah…ironic isn’t it? He was with me and he ended up on the floor! Enough of that crap! I cleaned out the cradle and that’s where he is currently. Sound asleep…on his belly…hmm….Why can’t that child stay on his back?! Drives me crazy! You read that kids should sleep on their backs because of SIDS, so now that mine has learned to flip to his belly, I’m going even more crazy! One more thing to freakin worry about!! However, I did read that once a child can flip over front to back, back to front, the risk of SIDS has decreased significantly. Mercy!!! I never EVER thought I would be one of those worrisome mothers. Life sure does change once you have a baby! Dear Lord! I need a xanax or something!! hahaha!! I don’t know if I can have another child if this is how I’m going to be! I think I have what they call “first time mother syndrome”. Yay me.

I need some sleep…

S~

2 years and counting

Today is my anniversary. I am celebrating 2 wonderful, but sometimes hard, years to my husband Doug. I actually can’t believe it’s been 2 years. Time really flies! Where does it go? I still wonder why he chose me. I am definitley not the easiest person to love. I am short tempered at times and can say things that cut straight to the heart, but he looks past that and loves me anyway. I nag him about cleaning the house and he loves me anyway. I constantly tell him that I wish he was more romantic and he loves me anyway. I take out my bad days on him and he loves me anyway. He looks past all of my imperfections when I seem to always look at his and loves me anyway. He doesn’t yell at me. He doesn’t say hurtful things. He doesn’t demand that I do things. He just loves me.
My husband is caring. My husband is smart. My husband works hard so I can stay home with our son. My husband is strong. My husband is brave. My husband is an electrician, plumber, contractor, landscaper, bug killer, trash taker-outer, heavy item lifter, get in the attic person, paramedic, student, father and husband. My husband knows me like the back of his hand. My husband has big plans for our future. My husband is loving. My husband is a great father. My husband is a wonderful husband.
I want to be more like him.
Happy Anniversary Douglas Michael! I love you!
love,
S~

For Real!

I really need to start getting creative. I took Zach to the Smithfield curbside market today and I saw so many things that made me think “I could make that”, “I could so do that”, “that’s cool…how did they do that?”. I mean really!! Some of the stuff looked so easy! I wonder how much money people make making this stuff. I mean, if I became good at it, maybe I could sell the stuff on Etsy.com. I don’t know what my deal is. Am I lazy or just not creative enough. I’ve made some stuff for my mother in law, and to be honest, while she liked it, I thought it could have been better. Sounds like I need to practice. My next project is a picture frame with beads. I’m still working out a design since I didn’t buy enough beads to go all away around the frame. I’ll post a picture once I complete it…if it’s worthy enough to find its place on my blog.

Buenos Noches

S~

Chub-a-lub

Oh…and I forgot to mention. I took Zach to his 6 month check up the other day and this child weighs 17lb 8oz and is 27.5 inches long! He is getting so big!!! His doctor wants me to start incorporating “big people” food into his diet. We tried real bananas today…eh…they made him a little wretchy…I think it was maybe the texture. Oatmeal did the same thing. He does however like yogurt and LOVES pudding. Shocker!

love

S~

Home again, home again

As you can see by the pictures, we had a great time in Texas. This was Doug and Zach’s first time there, Zach’s first time on a plane, and actually, his first time out of Virginia! That’s very exciting now that I think about it!

The plane ride home was ok. I was a little stressed. There were storms in Virginia, so we skimmed clouds for a long time before our descent. After that, we were in the clouds for a very long time. It felt like ages before I finally saw land! The landing wasn’t too bad. Zach slept through it. Once we came to a stop, the whole plane just shook!! Then, once we got to our gate, the pilot came out and was examining the wings with a flashlight!! I was extremely happy to get off of that plane!! Oh, many thanks to the woman who gave up her seat so that we would have more room for Zach! Completely unnecessary, but appreciated nonetheless.

Now that we are home, I feel like I have a lot to do. The house is a mess, so that will be first on my list. Then I have to register and study for my final teaching exams. I feel like I need to rob a bank so that I can pay for them!! Becoming a teacher isn’t cheap!!

Well I should go. I could stay on here and rant about much more, but like I said…lots to do.

Love

S~

Everything is bigger in Texas

So we landed in Texas on Wednesday without any incident. I really couldn’t be prouder how our flight with the wee one went. He was great! He had a bottle during takeoff. Flirted with the people behind us during the flight, and slept the last hour and landing of the trip. The kid didn’t even flinch when we touched down!

My parents were very excited to see us, especially Zach. Zach; however, didn’t feel the same way. He cried when my dad tried to hold him. Poor dad. I had to explain that he has some stranger anxiety when it comes to men. It didn’t last long though. They are buddies now. He smiles every time he sees my dad, which in turn makes me smile. Not only because this kid has THE most BEAUTIFUL smile in the world, but because I know that my son will most likely have a good relationship with my dad.

It has been a pretty busy couple of days. I’ve met family that I never knew. Backtrack…I didn’t grow up with my dad thereby causing me to not know some of his family. Moving on…my cousin Alexis (I know this one) not only graduated from college this weekend (lucky duck), but she also got married…ON THE SAME DAY!!! (I never said my family wasn’t a little nuts!) It was a small backyard wedding at my aunt’s house. Very non traditional and it was beautiful. I think my favorite part was the preacher. Talk about non traditional! Him and his wife came dressed in all black and he had one of those long Zeppelin beards going on! It was awesome! Lexi finally married her sweetheart after 8 years. Congratulations Lexi and Shawn!

I’m not sure what we will do today. My dad talked about getting the little ones picture taken and my cousin Melissa wants us to come over for a pool party…so who knows. I’m just here for the ride. If his pool water wasn’t so chilly I would park my rear on a raft and float all day. Hopefully I will get to see my cousins tonight for dinner. Another cousin of mine, Elizabeth (Lexi’s sister), is pregnant and she looks so beautiful. I just want to look at her. Is that creepy?! LOL. I can’t help but wonder if I looked that cute when I was pregnant! This is her first baby and I just want to talk her ear off about it! Honestly, I don’t think there is anything better than a child. I can’t speak for everyone out there, but Zach truly enhances my life. He makes me a better person which in turn, I think, makes me a pretty good mom.

Well…I should go and see what the plans are for today…and plug the laptop up…

I’ll post pictures later…if I find my camera…that I left at my aunts house…I think.

Love,

S~

It’s a bird! It’s a plane!!

Today is the day I will be taking my precious 6 month old on a plane for the first time. I am beyond nervous!! So nervous in fact, I think I need a prozac. What the hell is wrong with me?! I used to be so care free and not a care in the world!! Is this what happens when you have children? If so, I don’t think I need anymore!!

Why am I so nervous? Here are my top 4 reasons why:

1. Will the take off and landing hurt his tiny ears?

2. Will he have a massive blow out on the plane and we have to smell it all the way to Texas?

3. Will he cry the whole way and we become “those people with a screaming kid”?

4. Will they think I’m making something other than bottles with my powdered formula (damn why did I stop nursing?)

I’ll let everyone know how “well” our plane adventure went once we get settled!

For now…

Love

S~

Schoooooools out for summa!!!

So I finally finished all of my classroom classes this past week. I can’t believe it!! The light at the end of my tunnel is becoming so much brighter!! After 9 years, I will finally be graduating from college this December…tests willing. Who knew that becoming a teacher would be so incredibly difficult?! There are so many I would like to thank for that. First, to the Commonwealth of Virginia. Thank you for making me feel like an idiot over and over again. Because I keep missing the first part of my license exam by one point, I feel stupid. But thank you to every other state in the country for counteracting my feeling of stupidity by showing me that I’m good enough to be a teacher in your state. That sounds a bit awkward doesn’t it? I’m complaining that VA has high standards? Higher than other states? I should be grateful, right? I dunno. It just rains on my parade of accomplishments when I see that I have yet to pass that darn exam. Which by the way costs $130.00 to take!!! (Donations can be sent to….) That’s another thing!! Why is the hell does it cost sooooo much to become a teacher?! Why are the tests so freaking expensive?! They do realize that the people taking them are poor college students right?! I mean geeeeeez!!! Lastly, thanks to the economy for taking such a drastic downturn. I know it couldn’t have been helped (maybe), but now finding a job as become that much more difficult.

However, on a positive note to all that negativity, I’M ALMOST DONE!!! I will graduate with honors (hopefully. I really don’t know how their honor graduating system works…all I know is I’ll have like a 3.5 when the day comes) from Norfolk State University in the fall of 2010 (God willing). It has been a really great experience. I’ve met some wonderful people while I’ve been there. Some I know I will be friends with for a very long time.

So after I get back from my vacation to Texas, I will jump right into taking my left over tests so I can student teach in September. My day is finally coming where I can contribute to my household has much as my husband does (monetarily). I know he’s excited about that!!! Bless his little heart for working so hard (and going to school…let me note that) so I can finish up my education. Love you squishy!! (inside thing)

My stomach is talking to me…gotta jet!!

Is this irritating…or just me?

So I work at a church on Sunday’s to make a little extra money. This church has a “daycare”. I put it in quotes because it really isn’t much of a daycare. Anywho…I was leaving yesterday and I noticed on one of the “classroom” doors (yes, classroom deserved quotes because I’m not sure how much learning is really going on and that’s what you’re supposed to do in a classroom, right?) that there were little posters with foam cutouts on them. First, the hippopotamus was labeled “cow”, excuse me, let me clarify, the cut outs were labeled by the “teachers”, continuing…the party hat with a face was labeled “girl”, a squiggly shape was labeled letters or W and my favorite was the elephant and it was labeled 2 ways, elphant and elaphant. Now I know what you may be thinking. “Maybe the kids spelled it that way and the “teachers” wrote it down”. Negative. These kids are maybe 3 or 4 years old and most of them would have spelled it much worse than this, if even at all.

I just feel that, if you are going to be a teacher, you should learn to spell correctly. At least for the sake of the child. My punctuation may be a bit off, but I’m working on that. I at least know how to spell and if by some chance I didn’t know how, I would certainly look it up before I put it on paper for people to see.

I am stepping down from my soap box now. Thank you very much.

S~

Am I that 64 color crayon box?

I like to think that I am that box of crayons that John Mayer talked about. I mean, I like all of the colors in the box, so does that mean I am that box of crayons? At this point I’m wondering why I’m comparing myself to a box of crayons! Seriously though, I believe that I am vibrant and full of life. I have what anyone could hope for. I have a home that I own with my husband, we have a beautiful son together, we own 2 vehicles, have 2 dogs (sound like we need that white picket fence), I will graduate from college this year with my teaching degree (finally), my husband will graduate in 2 years with his degree and I’ve gotten closer to my husbands parents, which sometimes takes the sting out of my own loss.

What loss you ask? I lost my mother when I was 14 years old to cancer. Looking back I don’t know that I really “dealt” with it appropriately. But how do you do that? Counseling? Medication? Hoping you wake up from the terrible nightmare that you think you’re in? I dunno. I feel guilty talking about it sometimes. Like I should be over it by now. It’s been almost 12 years. Or that someone else has probably gone through much worse than me, so I should be thankful. Don’t get me wrong, I am forever grateful for my life now, but I’ll be honest, I miss having my mom. I’m so jealous of the relationships I see others having with their mothers. I have a fantastic mother in law, but there is nothing like the love, hugs and kisses from ones own mother.

I was lucky enough to have a 2nd mother. At least that’s what I believe her to be in my heart. Her name was Patricia. She was my aunt. When my mother was diagnosed with cancer, she asked me if something were to happen to her, where would I want to live. My young mind automatically went to my Aunt Pat. Why? She lived 7 miles (give or take) from the beach!! From the moment my mother passed away, my aunt and uncle stepped in to take care of me. This couple was well on their way to happy retirement days (she is the oldest sister of my grandmother) and here they were taking in a “stray”. “That’s what family does”. I know. I’ve heard it before. I sometimes wonder if they had a crystal ball to see what their life would be like with me during my teenage years, would they have still taken me in?!

My aunt was never an overly emotional lady. She got that from my great grandfather. It wasn’t until I was in my 20’s did she ever tell me she loved me. Even though she didn’t say it or shower me with hugs and kisses like my own mother did, I knew she cared for me. My first summer with her was just a few short days after my mother passed. We went to the Outer Banks in North Carolina. It was a tradition in her family, with her children, grandchildren and husband, to spend a week there every summer. I had never been. I was hooked the minute we crossed that bridge into Kitty Hawk and headed down to Nags Head.

From then on, I was hers. Of course we had our moments and sometimes they were severe, but I loved her. You couldn’t help but love her. She came to every choral concert I had, supported me through high school and then the many years I’ve spent in college. She sat in her living room and listened to me perform my “concerts”. I was really singing back up to my favorite artists. Aaaahhh the dreams I had! She washed my clothes, vaccumed my floor, made sure I ate dinner (at the kitchen table with them) every night, helped me study for my drivers license, bought my clothes, drove me to my afterschool jobs, listened to me when I came to her crying about whatever new boy had just broken my heart. She was even there when I moved out because I didn’t want to live with her rules anymore. She stood by me as I tried on my wedding gown in the bridal shop. She told me I was beautiful as she helped me with it on my wedding day. She laughed when I told her I was going to have a baby because to her this meant she would have another “grandchild”. She held her “boyfriend” every chance she got when he finally came into this world. She loved me. She loved him. When she was diagnosed with terminal cancer she tried to comfort me by saying that there was nothing that could have changed her lifes path. She was grateful for what she had been given. She told me that she wished things would have been different with my mother and that I wouldn’t have had to go through losing her, but she got me and that made her happy. She looked up at my husband and told him to take good care of me. He scolded her by saying “stop talking like this is the last time you will see her! She’ll be her tomorow!” He cried as soon as we got in the car.

It was incredibly hard watching her die in the same way that my mom did. Her kids took amazing care of her. Gave her her medications every 3-4 hours, stayed up with her, bathed her, clothed her, the list goes on and on. I went over quite a bit to spend time with her. I brushed her hair, rubbed lotion on her hands, brought my son up to her room to visit. He looked at her and babbled. She at this point didn’t really realize we were there. I even got into her hospital bed with her and watched the Lawrence Welk show. Well, I told her what was going on. Out of all of the memories I have of my aunt this one is the most clear and my most heartbreaking favorite. She had gotten to the point where she did not make a lot of sense and she would go in and out of sleep. I laid with her in her bed the day all of her brothers and sisters came to visit. It was just me and her. I sobbed with my arm around her. I couldn’t stand losing another woman that was so wonderful. Why was all of this happening?! I was so angry. She rubbed my arm and quietly said “ssshhh, ssshhh, ssshhh, it’s ok. Don’t cry.” That old woman made everything worse!! I LOOOOOSSSST it even harder. I could hardly breathe. I told her that I loved her. She said she loved me too. She loved me. She really loved me.

Not everyone is lucky enough to say that they have had two great mothers in their lives. I am one of the lucky ones. If I could tell her children one thing, it would be thank you. Thank you for allowing me to come into your lives, into her life. Thank you for letting her love me the way she did. She was an amazing woman. I think she was the epitome of the 64 color box of crayons.

I sit here with tears streaming down my face looking at my son sleep. He is the most amazing little person. He’s so beautiful and smart already. He makes me smile and laugh when I’m having a terrible day. He enhances my life and makes it better. I am saddened by my thoughts of him not being able to grow up with her and my mother. He will know them by my stories and pictures and when they come to him in his dreams. Being a mother is the best gift. They taught me that.

Happy early Mothers Day

love

S~