It’s a bird! It’s a plane!!

Today is the day I will be taking my precious 6 month old on a plane for the first time. I am beyond nervous!! So nervous in fact, I think I need a prozac. What the hell is wrong with me?! I used to be so care free and not a care in the world!! Is this what happens when you have children? If so, I don’t think I need anymore!!

Why am I so nervous? Here are my top 4 reasons why:

1. Will the take off and landing hurt his tiny ears?

2. Will he have a massive blow out on the plane and we have to smell it all the way to Texas?

3. Will he cry the whole way and we become “those people with a screaming kid”?

4. Will they think I’m making something other than bottles with my powdered formula (damn why did I stop nursing?)

I’ll let everyone know how “well” our plane adventure went once we get settled!

For now…

Love

S~

Schoooooools out for summa!!!

So I finally finished all of my classroom classes this past week. I can’t believe it!! The light at the end of my tunnel is becoming so much brighter!! After 9 years, I will finally be graduating from college this December…tests willing. Who knew that becoming a teacher would be so incredibly difficult?! There are so many I would like to thank for that. First, to the Commonwealth of Virginia. Thank you for making me feel like an idiot over and over again. Because I keep missing the first part of my license exam by one point, I feel stupid. But thank you to every other state in the country for counteracting my feeling of stupidity by showing me that I’m good enough to be a teacher in your state. That sounds a bit awkward doesn’t it? I’m complaining that VA has high standards? Higher than other states? I should be grateful, right? I dunno. It just rains on my parade of accomplishments when I see that I have yet to pass that darn exam. Which by the way costs $130.00 to take!!! (Donations can be sent to….) That’s another thing!! Why is the hell does it cost sooooo much to become a teacher?! Why are the tests so freaking expensive?! They do realize that the people taking them are poor college students right?! I mean geeeeeez!!! Lastly, thanks to the economy for taking such a drastic downturn. I know it couldn’t have been helped (maybe), but now finding a job as become that much more difficult.

However, on a positive note to all that negativity, I’M ALMOST DONE!!! I will graduate with honors (hopefully. I really don’t know how their honor graduating system works…all I know is I’ll have like a 3.5 when the day comes) from Norfolk State University in the fall of 2010 (God willing). It has been a really great experience. I’ve met some wonderful people while I’ve been there. Some I know I will be friends with for a very long time.

So after I get back from my vacation to Texas, I will jump right into taking my left over tests so I can student teach in September. My day is finally coming where I can contribute to my household has much as my husband does (monetarily). I know he’s excited about that!!! Bless his little heart for working so hard (and going to school…let me note that) so I can finish up my education. Love you squishy!! (inside thing)

My stomach is talking to me…gotta jet!!

Is this irritating…or just me?

So I work at a church on Sunday’s to make a little extra money. This church has a “daycare”. I put it in quotes because it really isn’t much of a daycare. Anywho…I was leaving yesterday and I noticed on one of the “classroom” doors (yes, classroom deserved quotes because I’m not sure how much learning is really going on and that’s what you’re supposed to do in a classroom, right?) that there were little posters with foam cutouts on them. First, the hippopotamus was labeled “cow”, excuse me, let me clarify, the cut outs were labeled by the “teachers”, continuing…the party hat with a face was labeled “girl”, a squiggly shape was labeled letters or W and my favorite was the elephant and it was labeled 2 ways, elphant and elaphant. Now I know what you may be thinking. “Maybe the kids spelled it that way and the “teachers” wrote it down”. Negative. These kids are maybe 3 or 4 years old and most of them would have spelled it much worse than this, if even at all.

I just feel that, if you are going to be a teacher, you should learn to spell correctly. At least for the sake of the child. My punctuation may be a bit off, but I’m working on that. I at least know how to spell and if by some chance I didn’t know how, I would certainly look it up before I put it on paper for people to see.

I am stepping down from my soap box now. Thank you very much.

S~

Am I that 64 color crayon box?

I like to think that I am that box of crayons that John Mayer talked about. I mean, I like all of the colors in the box, so does that mean I am that box of crayons? At this point I’m wondering why I’m comparing myself to a box of crayons! Seriously though, I believe that I am vibrant and full of life. I have what anyone could hope for. I have a home that I own with my husband, we have a beautiful son together, we own 2 vehicles, have 2 dogs (sound like we need that white picket fence), I will graduate from college this year with my teaching degree (finally), my husband will graduate in 2 years with his degree and I’ve gotten closer to my husbands parents, which sometimes takes the sting out of my own loss.

What loss you ask? I lost my mother when I was 14 years old to cancer. Looking back I don’t know that I really “dealt” with it appropriately. But how do you do that? Counseling? Medication? Hoping you wake up from the terrible nightmare that you think you’re in? I dunno. I feel guilty talking about it sometimes. Like I should be over it by now. It’s been almost 12 years. Or that someone else has probably gone through much worse than me, so I should be thankful. Don’t get me wrong, I am forever grateful for my life now, but I’ll be honest, I miss having my mom. I’m so jealous of the relationships I see others having with their mothers. I have a fantastic mother in law, but there is nothing like the love, hugs and kisses from ones own mother.

I was lucky enough to have a 2nd mother. At least that’s what I believe her to be in my heart. Her name was Patricia. She was my aunt. When my mother was diagnosed with cancer, she asked me if something were to happen to her, where would I want to live. My young mind automatically went to my Aunt Pat. Why? She lived 7 miles (give or take) from the beach!! From the moment my mother passed away, my aunt and uncle stepped in to take care of me. This couple was well on their way to happy retirement days (she is the oldest sister of my grandmother) and here they were taking in a “stray”. “That’s what family does”. I know. I’ve heard it before. I sometimes wonder if they had a crystal ball to see what their life would be like with me during my teenage years, would they have still taken me in?!

My aunt was never an overly emotional lady. She got that from my great grandfather. It wasn’t until I was in my 20’s did she ever tell me she loved me. Even though she didn’t say it or shower me with hugs and kisses like my own mother did, I knew she cared for me. My first summer with her was just a few short days after my mother passed. We went to the Outer Banks in North Carolina. It was a tradition in her family, with her children, grandchildren and husband, to spend a week there every summer. I had never been. I was hooked the minute we crossed that bridge into Kitty Hawk and headed down to Nags Head.

From then on, I was hers. Of course we had our moments and sometimes they were severe, but I loved her. You couldn’t help but love her. She came to every choral concert I had, supported me through high school and then the many years I’ve spent in college. She sat in her living room and listened to me perform my “concerts”. I was really singing back up to my favorite artists. Aaaahhh the dreams I had! She washed my clothes, vaccumed my floor, made sure I ate dinner (at the kitchen table with them) every night, helped me study for my drivers license, bought my clothes, drove me to my afterschool jobs, listened to me when I came to her crying about whatever new boy had just broken my heart. She was even there when I moved out because I didn’t want to live with her rules anymore. She stood by me as I tried on my wedding gown in the bridal shop. She told me I was beautiful as she helped me with it on my wedding day. She laughed when I told her I was going to have a baby because to her this meant she would have another “grandchild”. She held her “boyfriend” every chance she got when he finally came into this world. She loved me. She loved him. When she was diagnosed with terminal cancer she tried to comfort me by saying that there was nothing that could have changed her lifes path. She was grateful for what she had been given. She told me that she wished things would have been different with my mother and that I wouldn’t have had to go through losing her, but she got me and that made her happy. She looked up at my husband and told him to take good care of me. He scolded her by saying “stop talking like this is the last time you will see her! She’ll be her tomorow!” He cried as soon as we got in the car.

It was incredibly hard watching her die in the same way that my mom did. Her kids took amazing care of her. Gave her her medications every 3-4 hours, stayed up with her, bathed her, clothed her, the list goes on and on. I went over quite a bit to spend time with her. I brushed her hair, rubbed lotion on her hands, brought my son up to her room to visit. He looked at her and babbled. She at this point didn’t really realize we were there. I even got into her hospital bed with her and watched the Lawrence Welk show. Well, I told her what was going on. Out of all of the memories I have of my aunt this one is the most clear and my most heartbreaking favorite. She had gotten to the point where she did not make a lot of sense and she would go in and out of sleep. I laid with her in her bed the day all of her brothers and sisters came to visit. It was just me and her. I sobbed with my arm around her. I couldn’t stand losing another woman that was so wonderful. Why was all of this happening?! I was so angry. She rubbed my arm and quietly said “ssshhh, ssshhh, ssshhh, it’s ok. Don’t cry.” That old woman made everything worse!! I LOOOOOSSSST it even harder. I could hardly breathe. I told her that I loved her. She said she loved me too. She loved me. She really loved me.

Not everyone is lucky enough to say that they have had two great mothers in their lives. I am one of the lucky ones. If I could tell her children one thing, it would be thank you. Thank you for allowing me to come into your lives, into her life. Thank you for letting her love me the way she did. She was an amazing woman. I think she was the epitome of the 64 color box of crayons.

I sit here with tears streaming down my face looking at my son sleep. He is the most amazing little person. He’s so beautiful and smart already. He makes me smile and laugh when I’m having a terrible day. He enhances my life and makes it better. I am saddened by my thoughts of him not being able to grow up with her and my mother. He will know them by my stories and pictures and when they come to him in his dreams. Being a mother is the best gift. They taught me that.

Happy early Mothers Day

love

S~

"Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you’re really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I’ve got a few missing. It’s ok though, because I’ve got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who’s an 8-color type.. I’m like, hey girl, magenta! and she’s like, oh, you mean purple! and she goes off on her purple thing, and I’m like, no - I want magenta! ~John Mayer~"

11 weeks ago

It's been a reeeaaally long time since I wrote last! I kinda had some stuff going on ya know?! Well Zach made his debut on November 15, 2009 at 7:00am. He weighed 7lb 5oz and was 20in long. I had been having contractions that weekend, but they would stop and resume, stop and resume. Eventually I was having them about every 5 minutes so we called the hospital. The nurse that I had seen 2 nights before (false labor) told me to wait 2-3 more hours to make sure they didn't stop. I was so upset I made Doug talk to her. She then said give it about 30 more minutes to see if they kept up. Right after he hung up my water broke! So at 2am I went to the hospital, 3:30 I recieved my epidural, I slept from 4-6am and they checked me at 6am, I started pushing at 6:15am and he came into the world at 7am! He was so beautiful...still is! I couldn't believe that I was a mommy at that very moment. Amazing.
Since then we have just been enjoying every moment with him. He is 11 weeks now and is growing like a little weed!! At his 2 month appointment he weighed 12lb 8oz and was 23.5in long. I know he is much more now!! I quit work so I could stay home with him full time. I'm still going to school, as is Doug. We are super busy these days and I feel like we never see eachother. He keeps telling me that we have to just put up with it for a couple more years. I suppose he's right. It just seems like a very LONG time away from now.
Our holidays were wonderful. My dad and Don were here for Thanksgiving and that was nice. Zach made out like a little bandit for Christmas! Spoiled little boy!! We didn't see Tommy this year for Christmas, but he did come after Zach was born and we've seen him again since then and I think he's coming back in a couple of weeks.
Zach is going to be baptized on Easter Sunday. I'm looking forward to that and seeing friends and family that we haven't seen in a while.
Overall, everyone is doing well here. I've posted a couple of pictures and videos for your "viewing pleasure"...I'm going to try and get some food!
Love,
Sarah

5 weeks until eviction day!

That's right!! In about 5 weeks (I'm thinking less!!) we will add a new member to our family/group of friends. I CAN NOT believe it! I kinda feel like it was yesterday that I found out I was pregnant and here I am staring down the tube at delivery day! I'm really thinking that he will be early. I don't want him to come early because I still have a lot of school work to get done (as I sit here blogging), but I don't really think Zach cares about that!
The doctors appointments have been going well. Last blog I wrote that we would get an estimated fetal weight on him, which we did. So about 3 weeks ago...ish...he weighed 3lbs 13 oz. I think he's much bigger now!! I go again this Monday, so we'll see what she says. I'm kinda hoping that she will check me to see where things are. How much time I have left. I like to know things! I'm a planner!
School is going pretty well. I had all A's and B's at midterm time, plus and incomplete (which I'm still waiting for a response on that reason!). I've started observing in the classroom and still have a lot of hours to do. It's hard to get them all finished when you don't get your classroom assignment until October and you have until November to complete them!! If I didn't have any other classes or work, I could probably get it done! Doug's doing pretty well in all of his classes too. He's not really liking the philosophy class, but I know he can get through it.
My family threw me a baby shower this past weekend (10/10/09) and it was amazing!! I had such a wonderful time!! All of my friends were able to come as well has family that live long distances. My mom's 2 sisters came with their little girls, my grandparents came from SC, my cousin Susan from NJ, my aunt Mary came from the Eastern Shore (Hi Aunt Mary!), my cousins from N. VA, Lauren and Beth, plus numerous other wonderful people. This little boy got TONS of gifts!! He's so spoiled and he's not even here yet! I'm still working on thank you notes. I thought 2 packs of them would have been enough, but I had to go out and buy some more! Here are some pictures from the shower.
Well that's it for now I suppose. I'll try to write again before the little man gets here! If not, the next will be all about his arrival plus some pictures!!

Love,
Sarah